What’s your Enneagram type?

And Why That Question Can Feel Almost Impossible

The picture here is a close-up of record grooves. Our personality patterns are a bit like these grooves. In trauma or hardship, the grooves deepen, the walls harden. This. Is. The. Work.

---

The Enneagram is a way of becoming more aware of our habits of mind and deeply ingrained strategies for staying safe and navigating the world. If you read this and think, “No! I’m not a number, don’t put me in a box,” you’re not alone. Quite a few respond this way (which is a kind of box in itself, perhaps?).

Grooves, Boxes, and Vinyl Records

The crazy-making thing is, what if we’re already in a box? Or, as I prefer to think of it, a groove, like the track of an old vinyl record. What we really want is the freedom to roam more widely and to gently soften or expand those grooves so we can play in a wider space, perhaps move into one or two other grooves from time to time, or even play the whole album - our album.

Our unconscious patterns shape how we move through life. The Enneagram does not put us into a groove; it simply helps us see the ones we’re already in.

Blind Spots and Shadows

These patterns include not only our strengths and gifts but also our blind spots and shadows, the parts of ourselves we may not see clearly or may even avoid. The Enneagram can help bring those into view in a compassionate way, so that over time we can learn to work with them rather than be driven by them.

The Enneagram is just a model, and models simplify. But simplification can be helpful. Words and frameworks give us containers to make sense of our experience: head, heart, and body included. The Enneagram shows us our grooves and helps us slowly soften and widen them over time.

What is the Enneagram?

At its core, the Enneagram is a map of nine personality types, each with three subtypes (making, as Beatrice Chestnut says, 27 different pathways to growth). These types describe nine distinct ways of perceiving and relating to the world. Understanding your type reveals what motivates you, what captures your attention, and how you habitually respond. With that awareness, new choices open up. You can navigate both what is here in the present and what lies ahead.

I’m a certified coach with the Narrative Enneagram, and I appreciate their approach to supporting diverse people in building awareness, integration, healing, and growth.

Nine Types in Brief (Narrative Tradition)

• The Perfectionist / Reformer – Strives to improve themselves and the world, motivated by a need to be good, right, and responsible.

• The Helper / Giver – Seeks love and connection by meeting others’ needs, motivated by a desire to be wanted and appreciated.

• The Performer / Achiever – Focuses on success and image, motivated by the need to be valued and admired.

• The Romantic / Individualist – Longs for authenticity and meaning, motivated by a desire to be seen as unique and understood.

• The Observer / Investigator – Pursues knowledge and self-sufficiency, motivated by a need to understand and conserve resources.

• The Loyal Skeptic – Seeks safety and certainty, motivated by the need for security, support, and preparation for risks.

• The Enthusiast / Epicure – Looks for possibility and pleasure, motivated by a desire for freedom, variety, and satisfaction.

• The Protector / Challenger – Stands strong and assertive, motivated by a need for autonomy, control, and protection.

• The Mediator / Peacemaker – Seeks harmony and comfort, motivated by the desire for peace, belonging, and avoiding conflict.

Why Finding Your Type Can Be Difficult & Long

Typing can be difficult and complex. I too have been lulled by the polished appearance of sure-footed authorities and fast-answer tests, but not many have been particularly helpful for me, and in fact, some have been detrimental. Yes, I have stories. The Enneagram is a model, and models are simplifications. I might be in trouble saying this, but some online tests, especially free ones, are notoriously unreliable. It is not unusual for me to encounter someone who was either “told” their type or got a “type result” from an online source, but does not resonate with it or understand it. In my experience, the Enneagram is very powerful and works best as a process of discovery, not a quick answer. Some folks do just seem to know, though. They watch an Enneagram panel and say to me, “that could have been me sitting there saying exactly that.”

So… I’ve been thinking, and here are a few possible reasons it is sometimes very challenging.

• Trauma or deep life struggles make it difficult to see your lifelong strategy clearly or to trust your own voice about what is true for you. In the grooves metaphor, this makes for deep grooves and thick high walls. The Narrative Enneagram refers to defensive structures, and it really is a bit like an architecture. There can be many barriers to self-recognition and to considering ways to widen, soften, and ease the groove. That is why a safe, supportive exploration with a friend, coach, or trusted guide can be more fruitful than outsourcing the decision to an external reference or expert.

• Later-stage development, more flexibility in mindset views can make it harder to settle on a single, life-long lens, because you may more easily recognise many perspectives.

• It can be difficult to identify the core or first driver, that early strategy we developed very young, sometimes called the passion of the type.

• It is also hard to separate behaviours from the deeper motivational patterns. A common mistake is to read a list of typical behaviours and assume that is the type. For example, you might hear that “3s are organised and write lists,” “5s are quiet and reserved,” or “8s are outspoken.” But this is surface level. Not all 3s make lists, some 5s are extraverts, and many 8s can appear quieter on the outside. The real key is in the deeper motivations, the passion of the type, and this is not always easy to spot on your own. A gentle typing conversation with a trained practitioner can often open the doors to discovery.

• It is uncomfortable to sit in exploration and uncertainty. Human brains dislike ambiguity, so we naturally want to create a story to fill in the blanks. It is a bit like Daniel Kahneman’s ideas about fast and slow thinking. But if we rush to decide too quickly, we risk missing the richness of exploring our own unique personality development patterns.

Or simply, you may not be that interested in the concept, or you may feel frustrated, diminished, or unsettled that it is not easy to determine. That is perfectly fine.

No test or external source can ever really know you in the way that you experience yourself. Your brain has more neural connections than stars in 5,000 Milky Way galaxies. There is only one person who has ever lived, or ever will, who really knows what it is like to be you.

Grooves and Personality Developmental Patterns

Coming back for a moment to grooves: we each have a track we tend to play over and over, shaped by our early experiences. Sometimes, especially with trauma, those grooves deepen and harden, making it harder to imagine or try out other ways of being. Healing and integration can soften the grooves, giving us more flexibility and choice.

Dan Siegel and others describe these as “personality development patterns.” He also offers a simple way of grouping them into three broad ABC themes and while we use all, there’s one underlying.

Body Types (8, 9, 1): Agency (A)

Focused on action, control, and how to move in the world. Each of these types (8, 9, 1) has a different strategy for dealing with agency.

Heart Types (2, 3, 4): Bonding (B)

Focused on relationships, image, and how to connect with others. Each (2, 3, 4) has a different strategy for bonding.

Head Types (5, 6, 7): Certainty (C)

Focused on questions of safety, risk, and knowing enough. Each (5, 6, 7) has a different strategy for dealing with uncertainty.

A Final Word

Finding your type may be far from easy or obvious. Some people land quickly, others explore many type possibilities over many years (me!). Neither approach is better and in my own experience, I learned a lot simply by trying on different lenses or ways of seeing myself.

What matters is you. Is there some reason, whether in relationships, life, career, or other struggles, that is nudging you to look for new ideas to help? If you do hear that voice, here are a few resources you could consider. And of course, you are always welcome to reach out to me too.

Resources

• The Narrative Enneagram website: https://www.narrativeenneagram.org/tour-the-nine-types/

• Dan Siegel’s work on integration and personality development patterns: summary