If 30%* of us are sensitive, why do we feel so rare?

30% of people are highly sensitive. As a leadership, self-awareness and HSP coach, I help you understand why it feels rare and how to embrace sensitivity as strength and gift.

I’m still a little surprised by the statistic that 30% of the population are highly sensitive people (HSPs). Thirty percent is not a small minority. It’s millions of people across the globe. It’s enough to make high sensitivity a “normal” trait.

Yes, I hear you, but there’s no such thing as “normal”. It’s a myth. But, what I mean here is not that it’s not a disorder, not an outlier. If around a third of people process the world this way, then even if you aren’t one of them, it’s likely you know, live with, or work alongside someone who is or perhaps your children are. (Do you recognise any of the trait markers?)

So why do so many sensitive people move through life feeling as though they don’t quite fit, or that something about them is “other”?

I’ve gathered nine and a half reflections on why this might be. Of course, every human is complex, and every situation adds more layers to the picture. I’d love to hear if any of these resonate with you, or if you would add something different.

*Here are links to more information, including the determining characteristics of the Highly Sensitive Persons trait (e.g. depth of processing, differential susceptibility, noticing subleties) and HSP Leaders and an Sensitivity Test from Sensitivity Research.

1. Culture

Western culture tends to reward speed, efficiency, achievement, self-promotion, action, competition, decisiveness, and a thicker skin. All of these qualities have their place. Yet noisy, fast-moving environments can be overwhelming and leave those with a more sensitive nature feeling as though they do not quite fit or are somehow less capable. When the spotlight shines most brightly on those who move quickly and recover with ease, sensitivity can feel invisible or of lesser importance.

As another lens, about half of all HSPs are men. In cultures where men are expected to be “strong, not sensitive,” this creates an extra challenge. Dr Aron has written and filmed about this to raise awareness of sensitivity in men: here.

2. Relational

Sensitive people often notice subtleties others miss and absorb emotional undercurrents. Many are highly conscientious. That can leave us wondering: Why does no one else seem to notice this? Am I the only one who feels things this strongly? When our inner experience doesn’t match the feedback we receive, it can reinforce the sense of being unusual, weak, or wrong.

3. Inner critic / Defence / Trauma

Many sensitive people grew up hearing phrases like “You’re too sensitive,” “Toughen up,” or “Stop overthinking.” These comments sting in the moment, but they also get absorbed into how we see ourselves. Over time, sensitivity can be internalised as a flaw rather than understood as a natural and valuable way of being.

4. Individual differences and lack of shared understanding

I’ve worked with many highly sensitive clients, and each one experiences the trait differently. Circumstances, histories, and perspectives all shape how it shows up. This wide variation, along with the lack of a common language, makes it harder to recognise sensitivity as a trait shared by many.

5. Not aware

For some, sensitivity is simply unnamed. When I first encountered the term nearly 20 years ago, I dismissed it. But when it came back into view years later, I paid attention and eventually trained as an HSP coach. Many clients have echoed this: “Wow, this is me! For years I thought something was wrong with me, but it turns out this is who I am.”

6. Don’t talk about it, and hard to be the centre of attention

For many HSPs, it’s not just that sensitivity is overlooked. Talking about it can feel awkward, even risky. On top of that, being the centre of attention often feels uncomfortable. While some thrive in the spotlight, many HSPs prefer to observe, notice, and reflect from the edges. These quieter ways of engaging bring depth and perspective, but when they remain unseen, sensitivity can feel rare.

About 70% of HSPs are introverted, but 30% are extroverted. Regardless of temperament, organisational and family cultures that prize “just get on with it” approaches often discourage sensitive people from naming or valuing this part of themselves.

7. The label is an issue

For those in leadership or with career ambitions, naming sensitivity can feel politically risky or career limiting. Sensitive leaders may feel torn between what feels authentic and what feels safe to share. Keeping this part of ourselves hidden often becomes an extra burden.

Dr Aron once considered calling it “Highly Reflective Persons” but research showed “sensitive” was the most accurate descriptor — across many species.

8. Doubt: Is HSP a real thing?

Scepticism is common, especially when a concept gains popular attention. Yet there is now a strong body of research supporting high sensitivity as a measurable, heritable trait. See sensitivityresearch.com for more.

9. It’s complex

Sometimes I wonder: is this “HSP,” or something else? It’s likely a complex mix of many factors and our approaches may shift over time, but the questions themselves can be useful.

And lastly, the half point: Does it feel a little special to be “rare”?

In some ways, it can feel nice to belong to a “special” group. That’s the ego speaking, but the ego has an important role as a developmental building block, so feeling a bit special might also be a needed thing.

And there’s comfort in remembering both truths: every one of us is utterly unique, billions of neural connections unlike anyone else who has ever lived, and yet, as humans, we share far more in common than in difference.

Reframing sensitivity

Reframing sensitivity matters. Imagine a world where we gave ourselves space to see it as part of healthy human design rather than as rare or burdensome. Curiosity, creativity, empathy, depth of processing and careful observation are qualities that enrich communities, workplaces and families.

For leaders who are highly sensitive, the opportunity is even greater. Sensitivity can be a source of long-term vision, relational depth, and ethical courage. Qualities the world needs more than ever.

Thirty percent is more than enough to reshape how we think about sensitivity. A big part of that shift is internal. Instead of asking, Am I different? we might ask:

• What is my particular version of sensitivity?

• How can I honour and use this part of me?

• Who could I share this with, so we both feel less alone?

Sensitive people are not rare. Maybe you are one too.

There is also new research emerging on the links between sensitivity, stress, and personality traits. I might write about this in a future piece, as it may open further understanding about how sensitivity interacts with wellbeing and resilience.

Here are some reflective prompts you might consider:

• When have I felt most alone or challenged in my sensitivity? What helped me through it?

• Where in my life might there already be others who share this trait, even if it has not been named? (Note, it is a trait of temperament, not personality, and that distinction is important.)

• How might my relationship to my own sensitivity shift if I held it as common and valuable rather than rare or burdensome?

For more information:

Highly Senstive Persons (HSP) trait

Highly Sensitive Persons (HSP) Leadership

Read about recent research and the newest feature of “Differential susceptibility”