If 30%* of us are sensitive, why do we feel so rare?

I’m still a little surprised by the statistic that 20–30% of the population are highly sensitive people (HSPs). Thirty percent is not a small minority. It’s millions of people across the globe. It’s enough to make high sensitivity a “normal” trait.

Yes, I hear you, but there’s no such thing as normal. It’s a myth. But, words are amazing - and limiting. In choosing the word “normal” here I want to name sensitivity as something that is deemed a normal trait rather than a divergent one or some kind of disorder.

And if it is around 30%, that means that even if you yourself are not one of those 30% HSPs, it’s highly likely that you have HSP family members, children, friends, colleagues, team members, or leaders.

*Here are links to more information, including the determining characteristics of the Highly Sensitive Persons trait (e.g. depth of processing, differential susceptibility, noticing subleties) and HSP Leaders and an Sensitivity Test from Sensitivity Research.

So, if there really are 30%, why do so many sensitive people move through the world as thinking they don’t fit or are somehow “other.”

I have a few reflections to share about why this might be the case. I ended up with nine and a half points (yes, a half, haha, are you curious?). Of course, every human is complex and individual, and every situation adds more layers to the puzzle. With that in mind, I would love to hear if any of these resonate with you, or if you have other ideas to add.

1. Culture

Western culture tends to reward speed, efficiency, achievement, self-promotion, action, competition, decisiveness, and a thicker skin. All of these qualities have their place. Yet noisy, fast-moving, competitive environments can be overwhelming and leave those with a more sensitive nature feeling as though they do not quite fit or are somehow less capable. When the cultural spotlight shines most brightly on those who move quickly and recover with ease, sensitivity can feel invisible or of lesser importance.

2. Relational

Sensitive people often notice subtleties others miss and absorb emotional undercurrents and tend to be high on conscientiousness. We may wonder: Why does no one else seem to notice this? Why do I seem to feel much more - or do others too, but they just don’t talk about it?) When our inner experience doesn’t match the feedback we receive, it can reinforce the sense of being unusual, soft, weak or wrong.

3. Inner critic / Defence / Trauma

Many sensitive people grew up hearing or absorbing phrases like “You’re too sensitive,” “Toughen up,” or “Stop overthinking.” These messages sting in the moment but they also become embedded and embodied - which is a problem. Over time, we may internalise the idea that sensitivity is an uncommon trait rather than a natural and valuable way of being.

4. Individual differences and lack of shared understanding

I have worked with many highly sensitive clients, and each one brings different experiences of the trait. They have different understandings of how it shows up in their lives, shaped by their unique circumstances, histories, and perspectives. They come to coaching for very particular reasons at specific times in their lives. All resulting in a lack of shared understanding or common language limits wider awareness of the trait.

5. Not aware

For many of us, sensitivity is simply something that has never been named. When I first came across this trait 15–20 years ago, I subconsciously dismissed it. But I hadn’t completely forgotten. When it appeared again in my life a few years later, I noticed. I paid attention. That was when I decided to get certified with Dr Elaine Aron’s group as a Highly Sensitive Person Coach.

I suspect my experience is common. Many clients have said things like: “Wow, this is me! For years I thought something was wrong with me, but it turns out this is who I am.”

6. Don’t talk about it

When we keep our sensitivity to ourselves, it can feel like a burden that perhaps no-one else sees and is difficult to talk about. A lack of conversation adds to the sense of being rare, even when it is not.

About 70% of HSPs are introverted, which means 30% are extroverted. Many HSPs don’t speak about this part of themselves, shaped by organisational or family culture that prizes toughness. For some, revealing sensitivity feels risky or career-limiting. About half HSPs are men, which can be an even heavier burden, in a culture where men are (apparently) meant to be strong. Dr Aron talks about this here and developed a film to help increase awareness of sensitivity in men.

7. The label is an issue

For those in leadership or with career ambitions, the stakes can feel even higher. Sensitivity may be seen as politically risky or even career limiting in certain organisational cultures. For highly sensitive leaders, this can create a tension between what feels authentic and what feels safe to share. Keeping this part of ourselves hidden, though, often becomes an extra burden.

Dr Aron considered naming it “Highly Reflective Persons”, but research showed that sensitivity was the most accurate descriptor, across different species.

8. Doubt: Is HSP a real thing?

Apparently so. There’s a lot of research backing this conclusion. Read more here, or on sensitivityresearch.com.

9. It’s complex

I know I have my favourite theories and models and these are the things I’ve trained in. So, I’m biased as we all are. I also can think about things in different ways and wonder, so is this about HSP or is it something else, or is it a complex web or lots of different things in action? And do we need to know? Is the label more helpful or harmful?

And lastly, the half point: Does it feel a little special to be “rare”?

I have made this a half oint because there are a couple of different ways to look at it. In some sense, it can feel nice to be part of a “special” group. And while that’s the ego speaking, we also need an ego. In developmental trauma, some people miss the important stage of feeling a little self-important and special. That is actually a critical building block for healthy growth.

There is also comfort in remembering that we are each entirely unique. Every single brain contains billions of connections, more than 5000 Milky Way galaxies worth of connections. There is only one of you who has ever or will ever walk the face of this earth. How amazing is that? At the same time, we are all human, and as humans we have more in common as a species than in differences.

Reframing sensitivity

All that said, imagine a world where we gave ourselves space to recognise the gifts of sensitivity for everyone and to see it as something “normal” rather than rare. Something that is an important part of human design and healthy societies. Highly sensitive people are often high in curiosity, creative, avid learners and observers, qualities that support the ongoing creation of credible knowledge and the advancement of life for all.

If you are a leader who is highly sensitive, the opportunity to reframe this trait is even more important. Sensitivity in leadership can be a source of depth, empathy, and long-term vision. The kind of qualities that are quite often overlooked but (in my humble opinion) very, and even, urgently needed.

There is a reason we have highly sensitive people in a population. Thirty percent is more than enough to fill workplaces, communities and families with people who share this way of processing the world. We can start looking for one another, naming sensitivity and advocating for environments where depth and care are strengths rather than liabilities.

A big shift needed, though, is internal. Knowing that sensitivity is both common and vital helps us stand more fully in ourselves. Instead of asking, (Why) Am I different? we could consider different inquiries to hold, such as:

• What is this HSP trait?

• How can I honour and use this part of me?

• What is my particular version and experience of sensitivity?

• Who would I like to share and explore this with so we can understand each other better

Sensitive people are not “rare”. Maybe, you are one too?

There is also new research emerging on the links between sensitivity, stress, and personality traits. I might write about this in a future piece, as it may open further understanding about how sensitivity interacts with wellbeing and resilience.

Fancy some additional reflective prompts to consider?

• When have you felt most alone or challenged in your sensitivity? What helped you through it?

• Where in your life might there already be others who share this trait, even if it hasn’t been named? (Note, it’s a trait of temperament, not personality - that distinction is important.)

• How might your relationship to your own sensitivity shift if you held it as common and valuable rather than rare or burdensome?

For more information:

Highly Senstive Persons (HSP) trait

Highly Sensitive Persons (HSP) Leadership

Read about recent research and the newest feature of “Differential susceptibility”